I made two impulsive purchases in less than a week. A few days ago, Jason went with me to go digital camera shopping and I made a purchase my first day of searching. AJ is now the proud owner of a Kodak C340. To go with my new digital friend, I purchased a 1 Gig Memory card. Yes, lots o' pictures will be taken. Especially this weekend when I see my babygirl, Macey. I named my new friend, GG, but pronounced Gigi, for Gilmore Girls. I will now introduce her to everyone as such and she will be addressed only as Gigi, not "your camera."

Then the very next day I purchased the James Blunt CD. Seriously, OMG!!! Best freakin' album I've heard in ages! His songs are all depressing but I would seriously play his songs on a romantic night cuz his voice is so damn sexy. If you all know his music or have his CD, there are two AMAZING PARTS that I play repeatedly because his voice sounds hella hot! First song, High, the first phrase, "Beautiful Dawn." OMG how beautiful does he sound when he sings those words. And, finally, the hottest part of all is in "You're Beautiful" when he sings the words "Fucking high." Oh wow! Just wow. Those words have never been so beautiful. They sound amazing coming from him. Just listen to the CD people. It's hella good.

So today something bad happened. When I say bad, I mean good. Well, I mean good, everyone else actually uses the denotative meaning. Sean, the very hot mailman, gave me his number today. Yes, he's married. And yes, he may have kids. Not sure. I know he's a hoe, but he's sooooo hot! No, stop worrying, I won't go there. Geez. I have some self-respect. Not much but some. Anywho, Jeremy is all worried now that I'm gonna do something with this dude. But c'mon how well do you know me if you think I'm gonna do something with a married guy? Geez! Jeremy really had a look of concern on his face when I told him. He thinks I'm just a mission for Sean, but I don't care. Sean is fun to flirt with, nothing more. I know what he's about. It's just nice to know I'm desired by SOMEONE hot. Generally, I get weird asses creepin' around.

New development in AJ's life: I have a stalker. His name will not be disclosed becuz he may find some way to read this even though, if he does read this, he'll totally know it's him I'm referring to. Sean told me to tell him that he (Sean) and I are dating. ha! I only WISH that were true. But my stalker knows better and so now I have to figure out a way to get him off my back. He's married also. What's with the married dude complex? Do I have a "come-hither married guys" look about me? Seriously. I don't get it. But this dude is PSYCHO! I actually don't think it's a romantic thing. He's just desperate for friends. He got mad at me for not telling him my whereabouts Saturday night. I told him I was going to a birthday dinner and then to a friend's for a party. He later finds out that the party is at Ronald's and is mad cuz I didn't say so. He comes up to me on Tuesday, Valentine's Day, and hands me a tulip and a card (which he gave to all of the other girls at Paisano) and tells me "Oh, just to let you know, before anyone else tells you, I was talking shit about you last night cuz I was pissed at you." I ask why and he tells me that he felt like I lied to him and that if I didn't want to hang out to just say so. I told him that I don't have to be specific about my plans and that I never told him I didn't want to be his friend. So he tries to get me outside to talk to me privately but when I'm pissed at someone I WILL NOT talk to them, so I brushed him off and went about my business. He leaves me TWO messages on my phone telling me he's sorry, blah blah blah. I call him back and tell him, "OK, I'm gonna say my piece and then you can talk." I proceed to tell him that I answer to NO ONE, except God and my parents. But mainly just God. My parents don't know where I'm going half the time and I like being alone. This is a well-known fact to all my friends. I don't have to account for my actions because it's just me and I don't have to tell anyone shit if I don't want to. He says he understands and that he's sorry. Then he tells me that if I'd left the flower and card at the office he would've called and cussed me out. I tell him, "OK, see, do THAT, and this friendship is over. Done. I would never disrespect my friends by cussing them out. I don't care how pissed I am." I mean c'mon. I don't think I've ever cussed anyone out in my life and there are plenty of people I kinda wish I had cussed out. But it's called restraint!!!!! I've got it. Anywho, he's backed off, thank God, because I told him you can't force friendships. So he's chill, but even still I invited him to lunch today, jutst to give him a chance, with Jessica and me, and I felt him staring at me the whole time. And he heard me talking about making out with a certain someone and I felt him giving me googly eyes. Blah! I would SOOO not go there. Aside from him being married, that's just gross. Blech.

Am I a bitch? Dan, I know you are reading this right now. Are you laughing? Smiling? Seriously, I wanna know. What do you think. OK, next time I see you on campus, you have to tell me, okay?

I'm still "Miss Afraid of Commitment" and I'm not sure why. I was talking to Jessica today about this and it's got me wondering. I mean in my mind I think about being married one day and having a solid relationship and being totally content and relaxed in that relationship. But then I stop daydreaming and I imagine actually taking that step and going out and looking for a relationship and I get nauscious. Especially when I meet a new guy and I have fun. That is until the chase is over. Is that every girl? I dunno. But in my case, I'm not trying to hurt the guy, which sounds like total BS, but it's true. I want so badly to like someone and care for them deeply. But later, of course. Not now. I truly and sincerely enjoy my alone time and being single and I think maybe I'm so cynical or skeptical because it just isn't the right time, but then I think there's something deeper to it. What am I so afraid of? I don't really have a reason to be afraid of getting hurt. Maybe I'm afraid of hurting someone else. Maybe I'm afraid I won't be all that the guy has cracked me up to be. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll lose myself in him. Maybe I'm afraid of being afraid. Maybe I'm afraid I'll never feel for a guy the way I felt for Josh. Yeah, that was a long time ago, and no we aren't friends anymore, but I honestly haven't felt those same feelings again like I did all those years ago. This is funny because Josh probably would scoff at my drudging this old shit up, but I don't regret my relationship with him. He may, but I don't. In fact, I learned a lot about myself. Things I haven't changed but they are things I should change and should WANT to change. He once told me that I wasn't attentive to him and I didn't show enough affection to him. I'll never forget that, because I remember feeling like a complete prick. I mean here I come from this wonderfully loving family but yet I can't free myself enough to be that way with a guy who loves me? It made no sense to me. Still doesn't. And here I am, like 6 years later, still cynical and afraid to let go. What's the deal? Why am I so deathly afraid? (OMG, I think my neighbor is having sex again. ahhh!!!) Sorry for the caviat. Anywho, I just remember being really excited to see Josh every morning at school and this went on for a few months. I was excited every time. But now, I lose the butterflies for a guy before it even has the chance to become a relationship. I don't get it!!!! Someone figure me out!!!! Jeremy, I gave you this task and you have not come through. Maybe it's just never been the right time for me. Maybe I should stop trying to figure myself out and just live my life according to God's plan. I dunno.

I just can't believe that it's over.
We were chilling out on the sofa,
Digging how the guitar goes,
In a song that no one knows.
Did you lick that line yourself,
Or did the voodoo magic help?
Does everyone have a different take?
Do you seem real but I seem fake?
Does everyone get hypnotized by your fire?

So long, Jimmy, so long.
Though you only stayed a moment,
We all know that you're the one. Singing,
So long, Jimmy, so long.
Sure we're glad for the experience,
We miss you now you've gone.
We're just swimming in your soul 'cause,
We all wish we wrote this song.
Life goes on.

I'm just so relieved that it's over.
We were hanging out going nowhere,
Digging how the guitar goes,
In a song that no one knows.
Did you burn that bridge yourself,
Or did the voodoo magic help?
Does everyone have a different take?
Are you just cool and I'm just baked?
Does everyone get mesmerized by your fire?

So long, Jimmy, so long.

Though you only stayed a moment,
We all know that you're the one. Singing,
So long, Jimmy, so long.
Sure we're glad for the experience,
We miss you now you've gone.
We're just swimming in your soul 'cause,
We all wish we wrote this song.
Life goes on.

I've been running and running and running lately-literally. I ran 15 miles in 3 days the other day. Who is doing a happy dance right now? Yep, that's right, AJ is. I remember a time when I couldn't run 2 miles without panting like a dog in heat. My legs are sore as crap, but I'll get used to it. I'm determined. *When I started this entry, I WAS happy about running the 15 miles, but I may have overdone it because I'm pretty sure I messed up my knee, big time.* So now I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm hoping that it's just a sore knee and that it will feel better after a few days off from running. I really can't handle a knee injury. God help me. So please pray for me everyone.

How much fun was Friday and Saturday night? Steph, Amanda, and I went to AMC to watch Annapolis. Pretty lame movie, but James Franco is worth the boredom. Have you seen his arms??? WOWZA. Anywho, after that, Steph and I went to Bombay, and I met her friends from Laredo. And I met Jorge. He's nice and since then we've talked and he came over to watch a movie last night. That was fun. Saturday night Laurenn, Jason, Gina, Holly, Steph, Jeremy, and I went to my favorite place DT, Pat O's. Yep, it's where I first got drunk. ha! Oh, the memories I have a crush on the DJ. hehehe. After Pat O's, we went to Jonathan's bar and got hooked up wtih some drinks. Jeremy, Steph, Laurenn, Gina, and Holly were drunk. Steph flashed some dude her undershirt which reads: Yaeggarmeister in like Old English text. Homegirl Steph has a hot body and giant boobs so the bartender who paid no attention to us beforehand suddenly was very interested in Steph. It was hilarious. Especially when she told him, "I know you want me!!!" Ha hahahaha. We then went to Mama Margies til like 4am where apparently all the dirty MoJos come out to play. Baduh.

Ok, now on to my BIG NEWS. It may not be that big to anyone else, but it is to me. So last year when I ran for Ms. UTSA, after I gave my speech asking the student body to vote for me, Barry McKinney, the SGA Advisor grabbed me and asked me if I'd ever had pageant experience. *I made the same face you just did* Psshh! Yeah right. Me? Ghetto AJ from Houston? hahahaha It made me chuckle too. So anywho, I told him no and he said I was a magnificent public speaker and that he thought I was great. I went back up to him later and told him I truly appreciated it and that he had no idea what that meant to me because I love public speaking. I didn't give a crap after that if I won or not because well, it didn't really freakin' matter. Besides, everyone knew I wouldn't win seeing as how I'm not a sorority slu.....oops I mean sister. So I made the best of it anyway. People still recognize me to this day as the girl that ran for Ms. UTSA and that's fun. It's even funnier when they're like, Oh you should've won, and I voted for you. hehehe. So anywho back to the point. So Barry told me when I went back up to him that he really meant what he said and that he was going to keep me in mind the next time he needed an emcee for an event. I figured he was just blowin' smoke and wouldn't actually take me up on it. Then yesterday came-one year after I'd run for Ms. UTSA. I'm at the Paisano, in the restroom washing my hands when the phone rings. Carol answers and I hear her say, "OK, hold on KARI." *At least that's what I thought I heard and it made sense cuz I figured it was Kari from L&M Bookstore calling about her ad.* Then I come out of the bathroom and Carol tells me it's Barry on the phone. I cringe cuz I figure it has something to do with SGA ads and accounts that are still pending. But his first question after how are you doing is, "Hey AJ what are your plans for Friday night?" Startled, I say, "Ummm I have plans with some friends. Why?" He asks if those plans are set before or after 5:00. Now really curious, I tell him that it was after 5 because they were coming in from out of town. Disappointed he says, "Oh darn." I ask why and he tells me that Friday night is the Golf Cart Parade and the fire works display and he wanted me to host the event!!!!! I was floored. Surprised and taken aback, I tell him, "Really?" He tells me, "AJ, I remember how great of a speaker you are and I know you can read. I was racking my brain trying to figure out who could do this and I couldn't get your name out of my head." *AJ's smile permanently sticks on her face* I tell him, "Ok, I'll drop my friends. Totally. I'll be there." He sounds happily surprised and pleased and tells me I just need to go by his office when the script is ready. I very excitedly tell him, "OMG thank you." And he tells me, "No no, thank YOU." Yeah, so if you are a Runner or will be in town on Friday night try to stop by. My 'rents are gonna try to come too. I'm very excited. I'm just hoping I don't fall on my face. Or throw up. Or lose my voice. And hopefully my knee won't be so retarded by then. Ugh. Lame. Optimism, AJ. Optimism.

Let me tell you how much of a baby I was last night. I watched Part II of Season 6 of Sex and the City. I bawled like a baby. I freakin' love that season. And it's official I need to find me a man like either Steve or Smith. Smith is hot!!!! Darn you Rosario Dawson for taking my man. Ugh!

I have been so sleepy the past couple of weeks, and I'm pretty sure that at some point soon I'll die of exhaustion. I feel like I hardly have time to breathe.

On a happier note, my column is being well-received for the most part. My internship is going well. My supervisor hearts me. School is eh. I have a group project to work on which is lame, but I made 4 new bestfriends already. Destiny who is in my group, her b/f, her roomie, and Sarah, also in my group. They are the most awesome people I've met in a long time! I can't wait to hang out with them more. Holla!

Ok this entry is even boring me. Good day, sirs and madams.